Tuesday, October 27, 2015

|| I'll Love You Forever ||

"I'lll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be." - Robert Munch

A huge thank you to Kaylee Ralph Photography for taking the above photos! You are the greatest cousin ever and we owe you big time. These photos make me cry on the regular and I am so glad we have these to remember this super special time. 

Friday, October 23, 2015

|| Beckett Robert Holt | Birth Story ||

As I sit here with little Beckett sleeping beside me I can't believe that exactly 1 month ago I held my little angel for the first time. It didn't happen how I imagined it would but it is a memory that I hold close and is one that brings a huge smile to my face and I don't want to forget anything.

September 22:
I woke up anxious and excited. I had my 39 week check up with Dr. Topping that day and I was really hoping I had progressed a little and that our baby boy would soon be going us! At 1:30 I got to my appointment and joked with the front desk ladies that yes I was still there and still very pregnant! When Dr. Topping started checking me I could tell something was up. She felt my tummy quite a few times which wasn't normal. When checking for his heartbeat she checked in a a higher spot than normal. Her face looked a little concerned and so obviously I started panicking. His heart beat was a little higher than normal and my blood pressure was higher also. Then she "really" checked me (ouch) and broke the news to me that she was 90% sure she was feeling a foot not a bum. Baby boy had flipped. She told me that she wanted to be sure and wanted me to go to the hospital the next day at 6:30am for an ultrasound and that if he had indeed flipped we would be meeting our baby tomorrow via c-section. I was in shock. I didn't want a c-section. I hadn't read about having a c-section. I had read on natural birth and who to do that. I held it together at the office, joking that he was already a trouble maker and how at least he was coming soon! 

As I walked to my car I could feel the tears forming and tried to stay calm. I called Brett a few times and he didn't answer so I started to drive to Magrath. I was already planning on going there to get some packages and to hangout with Joce and my mom. Brett called me back and as soon as I answered I lost it. I lost it so bad I had to pull into the DQ parking lot before I could respond to Brett. Poor guy, obviously thought the worst news was about to come since he knew I had been at the doctor. I explained to him that the baby was fine but that I was going to have to have a c-section and I was really scared. He was his amazing self and told me that everything was going to be okay and all that mattered was that we were going to meet our healthy baby boy tomorrow. I was able to collect myself and drive out to Magrath. Brett came there after work and we had a meal with my family and then I got a blessing from my dad and Brett. It was just what I needed and I felt totally calm after that and knew that no matter what happened it was in Heavenly Father's hands and that He knew my situation and that He loved me.

We drove home to clean the house and pack the rest of our bags! We probably said "can you believe we are going to be parents tomorrow? Like he is coming tomorrow." 100x before we went to bed. I tried hard to get some sleep but ya right.. this was like Christmas on steroids! There was no way I was sleeping.

Sept 23: I finally gave in at 4am and got up and got all ready. I kept looking at my belly thinking that I was going to meet the baby in there today. In a few hours I was going to be a mom! I was just so excited. I wasn't nervous until we pulled into the hospital parking lot but Brett said all the right things and I was able to calm down again. We met our doctor at Labour and Delivery and got our ultrasound. Yep, he was breech and we were meeting our baby! We got set up in a room to wait for our turn in the O.R and started texting our family and friends to let them know baby Holt was coming!

Last bump pic!

About 2 hours later a man came to wheel me down to the O.R. We ended up waiting in the pre op room for another hour or so. Then at about 11:30am they said it was our turn! The part of the surgery that I was most worried about was the needle. I had watched too many TLC birthing shows and I knew how big that sucker was. Turns out there as nothing to worry about! It hurt a tiny bit but nothing to the caliber I had made up in my head, thank goodness! When ever I am in an awkward situation or embarrassed I get the giggles. So being butt naked in front of a ton of people and not being able to move my legs and having to have people lift them classified as both so yes I got the giggles. I couldn't stop. Finally when my doctor said she was about to begin I was able to get my crap together. What a weird feeling. The tugging and pulling was so strange and I just kept saying to Brett "This feel so weird, this feels so weird!" over and over. I was really nervous and wouldn't let go of Brett's hand or break eye contact with him. He tried to get up and adjust his chair once and I about freaked when he let go of my hand. Finally Dr. Topping told us that this was it he was almost out! Then we heard the sweetest littlest cry come from behind the curtain and my heart about burst. They told us he was for sure a boy and then Dr. Topping assured me that she did pull this baby from me as she brought this perfect little strawberry blonde, light skinned, blue eye baby boy to us. I couldn't tell right away what colour his hair was and Brett thought it was brown but the nurses were quick to tell us that no he was blonde! He was crying pretty hard and all I wanted to do was hold that sweet boy. They asked if I wanted to do some skin to skin and of course I just wanted to hold him so they put him on my chest and as soon as Brett and I started to talk to him he quit crying immediately. He knew who we were. I just kept telling him how much I loved him and kept kissing his squishy little cheeks. Brett asked me what his name was and we agreed that out of our names he was a Beckett. Our little Beckett Robert Holt was finally here and we could never have imagined just how much we would love him.

After about what felt like 10 seconds but was probably 10 mins they took Beckett to get some tests and Brett went with him. It made me feel so much better knowing Brett would be with him the whole time. It is crazy how your momma bear instinct just kicks in! I told Brett not to let him out of his site and then they were gone. I spent the next 1.5 hrs in recovery and it was the longest 1.5 hrs of my life! I just wanted to be with my baby. My amazing doctor did take the time to come and tell me that he weighed 7 lbs 9 oz and 18.25 inches long! It took a little longer than normal to get my uterus hardened back up and also to get the freezing down far enough so that I could go. They put a cold pack on your chest and you are supposed to tell them if you can feel it. If you can that means the freezing is leaving and if not that means you stay. I almost felt like lying and saying I could feel the cold pack but figured maybe that wasn't smart…

Finally I was released and they wheeled me back to my baby. When I got there Brett, my mom and Jocelyn were there waiting holding him and the look on their faces is something I will never forget! Brett knew I was sad I would miss their reactions to meeting him for the first time so he videoed it for me and it makes me cry every time I watch it! My two people meeting my new person. It was such a great experience. Having my dad meet him was also so special as I had imagined that my whole life. He is such a baby lover so to see him with my own baby was pretty great. Beckett is such a lucky boy to be the first grandchild on both the Holt and Maxwell sides! So it was also so special to see Mike and Robyn meet him! They were just as smitten as we all were! I am so glad he has such great grandparents, aunts, and uncles who love him so much.

I finally got to hold him again and he was even sweeter than I remembered. I kept asking Brett if he could believe that we get to keep him forever? Could I really be this blessed? I was finally a mom. Something I had wanted for so long. It was a hard road but worth every second. Beckett has my whole heart and I couldn't love him more. The next 3 days went by quickly and it was so great to have family come and meet him! Everyone is pretty smitten with him.

We love you Beckett Boy and we are so glad you came to our family!