|| Beckett Robert Holt | Birth Story ||

As I sit here with little Beckett sleeping beside me I can't believe that exactly 1 month ago I held my little angel for the first time. It didn't happen how I imagined it would but it is a memory that I hold close and is one that brings a huge smile to my face and I don't want to forget anything.

September 22:

I woke up anxious and excited. I had my 39 week check up with Dr. Topping that day and I was really hoping I had progressed a little and that our baby boy would soon be going us! At 1:30 I got to my appointment and joked with the front desk ladies that yes I was still there and still very pregnant! When Dr. Topping started checking me I could tell something was up. She felt my tummy quite a few times which wasn't normal. When checking for his heartbeat she checked in a a higher spot than normal. Her face looked a little concerned and so obviously I started panicking. His heart beat was a little higher than normal and my blood pressure was higher also. Then she "really" checked me (ouch) and broke the news to me that she was 90% sure she was feeling a foot not a bum. Baby boy had flipped. She told me that she wanted to be sure and wanted me to go to the hospital the next day at 6:30am for an ultrasound and that if he had indeed flipped we would be meeting our baby tomorrow via c-section. I was in shock. I didn't want a c-section. I hadn't read about having a c-section. I had read on natural birth and who to do that. I held it together at the office, joking that he was already a trouble maker and how at least he was coming soon! 

As I walked to my car I could feel the tears forming and tried to stay calm. I called Brett a few times and he didn't answer so I started to drive to Magrath. I was already planning on going there to get some packages and to hangout with Joce and my mom. Brett called me back and as soon as I answered I lost it. I lost it so bad I had to pull into the DQ parking lot before I could respond to Brett. Poor guy, obviously thought the worst news was about to come since he knew I had been at the doctor. I explained to him that the baby was fine but that I was going to have to have a c-section and I was really scared. He was his amazing self and told me that everything was going to be okay and all that mattered was that we were going to meet our healthy baby boy tomorrow. I was able to collect myself and drive out to Magrath. Brett came there after work and we had a meal with my family and then I got a blessing from my dad and Brett. It was just what I needed and I felt totally calm after that and knew that no matter what happened it was in Heavenly Father's hands and that He knew my situation and that He loved me.

We drove home to clean the house and pack the rest of our bags! We probably said "can you believe we are going to be parents tomorrow? Like he is coming tomorrow." 100x before we went to bed. I tried hard to get some sleep but ya right.. this was like Christmas on steroids! There was no way I was sleeping.

Sept 23: I finally gave in at 4am and got up and got all ready. I kept looking at my belly thinking that I was going to meet the baby in there today. In a few hours I was going to be a mom! I was just so excited. I wasn't nervous until we pulled into the hospital parking lot but Brett said all the right things and I was able to calm down again. We met our doctor at Labour and Delivery and got our ultrasound. Yep, he was breech and we were meeting our baby! We got set up in a room to wait for our turn in the O.R and started texting our family and friends to let them know baby Holt was coming!

Last bump pic!

About 2 hours later a man came to wheel me down to the O.R. We ended up waiting in the pre op room for another hour or so. Then at about 11:30am they said it was our turn! The part of the surgery that I was most worried about was the needle. I had watched too many TLC birthing shows and I knew how big that sucker was. Turns out there as nothing to worry about! It hurt a tiny bit but nothing to the caliber I had made up in my head, thank goodness! When ever I am in an awkward situation or embarrassed I get the giggles. So being butt naked in front of a ton of people and not being able to move my legs and having to have people lift them classified as both so yes I got the giggles. I couldn't stop. Finally when my doctor said she was about to begin I was able to get my crap together. What a weird feeling. The tugging and pulling was so strange and I just kept saying to Brett "This feel so weird, this feels so weird!" over and over. I was really nervous and wouldn't let go of Brett's hand or break eye contact with him. He tried to get up and adjust his chair once and I about freaked when he let go of my hand. Finally Dr. Topping told us that this was it he was almost out! Then we heard the sweetest littlest cry come from behind the curtain and my heart about burst. They told us he was for sure a boy and then Dr. Topping assured me that she did pull this baby from me as she brought this perfect little strawberry blonde, light skinned, blue eye baby boy to us. I couldn't tell right away what colour his hair was and Brett thought it was brown but the nurses were quick to tell us that no he was blonde! He was crying pretty hard and all I wanted to do was hold that sweet boy. They asked if I wanted to do some skin to skin and of course I just wanted to hold him so they put him on my chest and as soon as Brett and I started to talk to him he quit crying immediately. He knew who we were. I just kept telling him how much I loved him and kept kissing his squishy little cheeks. Brett asked me what his name was and we agreed that out of our names he was a Beckett. Our little Beckett Robert Holt was finally here and we could never have imagined just how much we would love him.

After about what felt like 10 seconds but was probably 10 mins they took Beckett to get some tests and Brett went with him. It made me feel so much better knowing Brett would be with him the whole time. It is crazy how your momma bear instinct just kicks in! I told Brett not to let him out of his site and then they were gone. I spent the next 1.5 hrs in recovery and it was the longest 1.5 hrs of my life! I just wanted to be with my baby. My amazing doctor did take the time to come and tell me that he weighed 7 lbs 9 oz and 18.25 inches long! It took a little longer than normal to get my uterus hardened back up and also to get the freezing down far enough so that I could go. They put a cold pack on your chest and you are supposed to tell them if you can feel it. If you can that means the freezing is leaving and if not that means you stay. I almost felt like lying and saying I could feel the cold pack but figured maybe that wasn't smart…

Finally I was released and they wheeled me back to my baby. When I got there Brett, my mom and Jocelyn were there waiting holding him and the look on their faces is something I will never forget! Brett knew I was sad I would miss their reactions to meeting him for the first time so he videoed it for me and it makes me cry every time I watch it! My two people meeting my new person. It was such a great experience. Having my dad meet him was also so special as I had imagined that my whole life. He is such a baby lover so to see him with my own baby was pretty great. Beckett is such a lucky boy to be the first grandchild on both the Holt and Maxwell sides! So it was also so special to see Mike and Robyn meet him! They were just as smitten as we all were! I am so glad he has such great grandparents, aunts, and uncles who love him so much.

I finally got to hold him again and he was even sweeter than I remembered. I kept asking Brett if he could believe that we get to keep him forever? Could I really be this blessed? I was finally a mom. Something I had wanted for so long. It was a hard road but worth every second. Beckett has my whole heart and I couldn't love him more. The next 3 days went by quickly and it was so great to have family come and meet him! Everyone is pretty smitten with him.

We love you Beckett Boy and we are so glad you came to our family!

|| Maternity Must Haves ||

Maternity Must Haves

Now that I am in my 38th week of pregnancy I think I am ready to write this post! I can't tell you how many blogs I have read, pinterest searches I have done, friends I have texted, books I have read about the things a women needs during pregnancy! My family actually laughs and makes fun of me about it. It is something I am interested in so I enjoy researching the things pregnant people need and also new born babies… so expect a post about that after the next few months and see how accurate I ended up being. I will be breaking this up into the 3 trimesters and I hope it will help someone out!

1st Trimester: 

Bump Nest Pregnancy Pillow: I had the worst hip and back pain right out of the gate. I researched and had lots of people say they loved their pregnancy pillows for their pain and they were right! The first few nights I had to get used to sleeping with it but now it is my best friend and I love it! 

Lululemon: In the 1st trimester I could still fit in my jeans but I was so sick that I just wanted to be comfy all. the. time. So I lived in my lulu bottoms! Everyone needs at least one pair of black lulus that are stretchy and go with anything.

Mother's Special Blend All Natural Skin Toning Oil: I started using this stuff as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I am prone to stretch marks so I knew oiling would be very important! I have loved this stuff and just ran out of it the other day. It smells pretty good and did the job. I just started getting a few on my hips the last week but I think it helped keep them at bay.

What to Expect App: I liked this app to help me track my progress! I liked how every week it told me what size my baby was according to a fruit or veggie!

Toast: I just thought I would give a shout out to toast for being my staple meal those first 12 weeks. I hated 99% of food so luckily I could stomach toast and green smoothies. 

2nd Trimester:

Target Maternity Jeans: My jeans started to get a little tight and this babe does not like anything constricting his dance parties so I popped over to Target and bought these and have loved them! You can spend all your $ on maternity jeans and I refused. 

ASOS Maternity Dresses: If you are pregnant go buy some of these RIGHT NOW. I have lived in these this summer. They are stylish and you can find good deals if you check a lot but the best thing is that they fit well and are so comfy! 

Tums: My heartburn and acid reflex has been awful. So so awful. I have a bottle by my bed, in the living room, in my purse, in my car, and in my pantry. I am dead serious! Luckily I got a prescription from my doctor after I couldn't do it anymore and it has helped a ton! If I miss taking those I can kiss sleeping goodbye.

FitBit: My wonderful mom gave me her old fitbit halfway through my second trimester and I have loved it. I have a polar watch that I love but being pregnant it was hard to wear the hear rate monitor so the fitbit was perfect. It gave me motivation to get my steps in each day which was huge! Sometimes it's hard to get off the couch…   

Caslon Vnecked Tshirts: These may not be "maternity" per say but they have been by far the most comfortable my whole pregnancy. I bought about 5 and have loved them all. Especially my plain black one. They are also really flattering and you can totally wear them when you aren't pregnant too. Bonus!  

SPANX Power Mama Maternity Power Panties: If you get one clothing item from this list this is it! I was worried about getting these because like I said this baby doesn't liked to be squished but they don't make me feel constricted at all! All they did was make me feel held together and more confident since they held my love handles in a bit! Get them, they are worth every penny.

BECCA Under Eye Brightening Corrector: I went to Sephora one day with my mom and mother in law and got my makeup all done for me and it was heaven! One item that they used that I bought and have loved is this BECCA under eye brightening corrector. I haven't slept much or really had great sleeps my whole pregnancy so this stuff has been a life saver! I have naturally puffy under eyes anyway but add the no sleep and they were bad so I was happy to find something that didn't make me look like a zombie!

Third Trimester:

So to be honest I really haven't bought much for myself or used any new products in the third trimester! I have been totally focused on baby boy's wardrobe, nursery, and other baby gadget things! I did buy another pair of stretchy pants from superstore that I have loved and a tunic shirt for $2.50 at Old Navy. Also a large exercise ball to bounce on in order to speed up labour but other than that… nothing! Oh and my gorgeous cousin Morgan did tell me about some sunless tanning lotion that I have liked! I couldn't lay out in the sun much this summer because I got hot so quickly and it made me sick to be on the boat so my tan really suffered! This has been nice to make my huge white tummy and legs not look quite so white. I also love st. tropez bronzing mousse but it is pricey so I only use that for special occasions.

There you have it! If I think of anymore I will add them! If you have any suggestions to add to the list let me know too, I love trying new products!

|| Bump Update: 15-36 Weeks ||

I know most people do this every week… well I obviously missed the boat on that one! So I am just going to do this little survey now! I'll be adding all my cravings, favourite moments, food aversions, and what not that I have experienced over the past almost 37 weeks! 

How far along are you: 36 weeks, 4 days

Baby is: The size of a large cantaloupe! Probably the biggest cantaloupe anyone has ever seen. Just saying, I'm getting very large.

Weight gain: Ugh… You don't need to know this and I wish I didn't.

Movement: He is a mover and shaker for sure! I have been able to feel him since about 17 weeks and other people have been able to since 18 weeks! The last week or so though I can tell he is getting more squished which makes moving a lot harder.

Maternity clothes: I love maternity clothes. Every pair of pants should have a total elastic waist band! I love it and will surely miss them a little. Also I have lived in dresses. Stretchy and comfy maternity dresses! Asos maternity is my BF.

Stretch marks: Unfortunately as of 35 weeks, despite my constant oiling, a few stretch marks started appearing on my hips :( Dang it.

Sleep: Thanks to my maternity pillow the first 30 weeks of sleeping weren't half bad! I mean I woke up a lot to pee but otherwise I slept good! The last 6 weeks though.. oh man so uncomfortable. My heartburn has been so bad! No matter what I take it just flares up! Tums can be found in every room in our house! I think my body is just prepping me for the sleepless nights I have ahead!

Belly Button Or Out: In still! I doubt it will go out just keep getting flatter.

Favorite moment of the week: My favourite things have been telling our families, ultrasounds, baby hiccups, Brett feeling the baby move, thinking about baby names, putting together his nursery, buying baby clothes, and more baby clothes!

Feeling: I have felt pretty good actually! I mean I was super sick for the first 13 weeks, but my second trimester was great! I worked out most days and felt really good! I was lucky. Every since about 32 weeks though, I feel tired and uncomfortable… but what can you do! It's all part of the process! Also like I mentioned before my heartburn is bad, so this baby better have lots of hair!

Labour Signs: I have been having some Braxton Hicks for the last 2 weeks but nothing more than that!

Wedding Ring: Still wearing it! Lucky for me my hands haven't gotten to swollen. Just after I work out mostly! I have to take it off before I do my daily walk but otherwise it's on.

Working on: Finishing his nursery! It is almost done just need a few more things. Lets just say I really miss living in the states when it comes to shopping! Finding a nice comfy glider/recliner chair has proved to be extremely difficult! 

Currently craving:  Since day one I have craved the same two things, black liquorice and anything grape flavoured, especially ice cream and sluprees! The last few weeks I have also been craving mnm blizzards and smartie mcfurries! I have to limit myself to 1 a week.

Wishing: I could know exactly when he was coming! The unknown is killing me. I mostly just keep wishing an hoping that he is healthy! I also can't wait to see if he is dark like me or a light like his dad! To see if he has my nose or his dad's skinny legs! So many things to look forward too :)

|| Bouncing Baby Boy ||

I figured that maybe I should do a blog post about our newest little addition to the family before he is already here! I can't believe he could be here anytime… Like I am almost 37 weeks. Talk about a blogging/journaling failure.

How We Found Out:
Okay before I write this out I have some stuff to say. I have debated how to say this all for a long time now. I am a pretty open person about some stuff but pretty closed off about other stuff and it's hard for me to get real personal when everyone and their dog can read it. Especially when it's not just my trial to share. So after much debate all I am going to say is that this baby is our little miracle. He is an answer to a lot of prayers and we feel so unbelievably blessed to get to be his parents!

Okay here we go then! So it's January and I had been trying not to count down the days until... well you know the "special womanly" day that month but lets be serious I knew exactly when it was and it was finally here. I didn't want to get my hopes up so I tried to pretend like it was just a normal day. I did this same routine for the next 4 days, almost having mild panic attacks every time I had to pee. Finally I told Brett as we went to bed that I was 5 days late. He said well did you take a test? I explained that no I hadn't and that I couldn't do it and see a negative sign again. So we made up a game plan, I would take the test in the morning and he would go check it and tell me the results. Is this how I had once planned on telling my husband I was pregnant? No, not even close but nothing had gone according to plan so far so why would this right? So the morning came and as soon as I woke up I had instant mammoth size butterflies in my stomach. We said a quick prayer together and I headed off to take the test. I hurried back into bed and we waited a few mins and then Brett went to see the results. I swear he took an hour in there. I thought for sure it was negative and he was too nervous and sad to come tell me. But soon he emerged with this little grin and said "Hey Honey, it says positive!" I obviously started bawling and smiling and laughing and all sorts of other things! I was so excited and couldn't believe it! I knew I wasn't out of the woods. The next weeks leading up to week 11 and our first ultrasound were the longest of my life. The relief we felt when we were told everything looked great and healthy was huge! He (we didn't know he was a he then) looked so cute already!

5 weeks late while my mom and Jocelyn were visiting us in AZ we decided to get a gender reveal ultrasound done! I wish they had these in Canada for our next babies. We might have to make trip to to the states just to get one ;) It took the ultrasound tech all on 10 seconds to be able to tell us the we were having a bouncing baby boy! We were all so excited! I wasn't shocked at all because that had been my guess from day one. So happy!

We got to see our little boy again at our 21 week ultrasound! Sam was our ultrasound tech and she did an amazing job! Unfortunately Brett couldn't be there, silly school, so Joc and my mom got to sit in again! She confirmed he was still a boy and that he was a healthy little fella!

Due to the fact that my husband was born with a head in the 97% and that my mom was induced 2 weeks early after Mitch was huge, my doctor thought it would be smart to get a size ultrasound done. Lucky for me it looks like he is at 50% across the board! So hopefully they are right… Only time will tell! Also check out his little lips! Blowing his mommy a little kiss and melting her hear!

So there you have it! A little update on our baby boy who we cannot wait to meet! Hopefully sooner rather than later :)